Fool for Love

The flight back to our home country was filled with lovely memories of the past month. I was really thankful to Anna and all the people we have met. In addition a sweet see-you-next-year-mail from Yosuke sweetened the way back. 

I didn’t say Ryu goodbye. Does he know that I’m already away? Ah, well didn’t matter because finally I arrived at home, I unpacked my stuff and returned to the daily routine. 

Did Ryu followed my advice and stopped working as host? Is he still touching shoulders of strangers? Well, why should I care? Yosuke is in my head! Woho! Drummer babies! I decided to mail him.

Unfortunately my mails didn’t get through to Yosukes mobile phone and the other way around. The company blocked mails from overseas. This fact destroyed my life.  I cried for 2 whole months, didn’t eat anything and threw cotton balls on every happy couple which I’ve seen! Well, actually I expected such reaction from myself but somehow I had the “can’t be helped”-attitude again.

What happened to me? Why did I browse through Ameblo-blog sites and looked for Ryu?! Why did I opened the host index website and starred at his pictures? Ahh, maybe I was just interested in his suit. Yes, the reason must be: I like suits!

One day I was shopping with my whole family. It was already November, 1 month after I returned from Japan. We drove back home in our car. The night covered everything in black and small raindrops fell on my window. I looked outside, wondering what Ryu was doing now. I dwelled on this thought, when suddenly a voice inside my head said: “I love him”. Just this. Well, thank you, brain! Why wasn’t it just “oh maybe I feel small affection towards him?”, why love?! Why was I so stupid and didn’t recognize it before? If I were a Pokémon I would be probably Slowpoke.  

source: knowyourmeme.com, Hey Slowpoke is pink too! Damn it, maybe I'm really a Pokémon

but I am too slow to recognize it!

In fact I hid almost 2 months my true feelings from MYSELF. I think I’m a good secret keeper then. 

I felt miserable. I loved someone who:

1. Already had forgotten me probably.
2. Was shorter than me.
3. Lives in Japan
4. Even with his hair all up in the air, he was shorter than me.
5. Was a damn host!
6. Was a damn small host! (1,65m!!!)
7. Had no real contact address!

I had his e-mail address but the nice company was blocking all mails. Mr. Google wasn’t  really helpful at all (I thought you know everything!). 

One month past. It was already December. My hopes were already gone but I found myself typing in his host name in the ameblo blog search (I call it research, not stalking). Suddenly a face appeared which I haven’t seen since almost 2 ½ months!

Yes! I’ve found him! He started a blog! I immediately looked through the entries. There wasn’t much but there were some pictures of him. My brain tried to calm down my heart but all I heard was its loud beat. The last doubts that I just imagined that I’m in love were erased. Fuck my life. 

“Okay, stay focused! You can’t mail him right away! What should you tell him? ‘Oh hi, I just stalked you and finally found you, haha I love you, come to me woho!’”, I tried to concentrate. While I desperately tried to keep my thoughts together, I didn’t recognize that my fingers already wrote a mail. 

Actually, I promised to send him some beer from my home country. But I hadn’t his address. So I asked him something like “Hey, do you remember me? Well, we had a promise with the beer. Give me your address blabla.” Yes, really great e-mail. As if he replies to me. Haha. Ha.

The next day I got a reply with the address (of the club) and a “It’s been a long time. Of course I remember you.” I don’t have to mention that I felt happy? Even if it was just a normal mail. I was young and totally in love with a host. 

We mailed a bit and suddenly he asked “Don’t you come to Japan again?” Actually, it was my plan to come to Japan again. Damn, I loved this country and I have friends there… and it wouldn’t be just for him… right? So I answered him that I’m planning to come.

Yes, I used to keep every message. Hey, no judging, I was a young girl in love...

“I will wait for you. I want to meet you again.” 

My heart skipped a beat.

Hug him! Hug him!

The morning started with a lot of cleaning and the question “Should I go to the bar or not”.  Actually, I wanted to go but Anna had other plans (other plans = a guy). And yes, like I said, I’m a shy girl after all. Going alone and being all seducing and stuff? Well, I could try but it would end with a lot of shattered glasses of apple juice and customers who are bathing in different sorts of alcohol. I’m not even exaggerating. In fact I’ve poured drinks over three different people (one was Ryu) during our holidays. For the sake of the other costumers I couldn’t allow myself to go alone. 

I called my friend Akane and convinced her to come with me. She agreed. Such a good girl. Of course she knew about my crush and when we were going down the street to the bar, she recognized a young man standing outside. “Is it him?”, she asked me. Of course it was him. The moment his eyes discovered me, a surprised glance shimmered over his face (whoa,  how poetic!): “You really came!”. A tough woman deep inside me just answered “Of course” with a smile. We went inside and talked a bit about my departure tomorrow, until the pleasant evening turned into a vulgar one. Unfortunately not because of Yosuke.

Suddenly some musclemen entered the bar and chose exactly our table to unfold their whole manhood. Posing like a tree on anabolic drugs, they asked me directly: “Can I lick your pussy?” Oh, those guys know how to make a female heart skip a beat. They really deserved a penalty for this! And I guess someone will give it to them someday because I wasn’t so fond of returning with a fist imprint in my face. So we changed the table.

To cut this long story short: My housemate joined Akane and me later. We talked a bit with Yosuke and then decided to bring Akane to the train station.  The two of us decided to walk a bit around the district, when I suddenly realized “I didn’t say goodbye to him!” I wouldn’t see those muscles again! Oh noes! But before realizing it, my housemate leaded us back to the bar entrance.

He: “Just go in there, say goodbye to him and give him a hug.”

I: “No?”

He: “Why?”
I: “I’m shy!!!”

He: “Just do it!”

I went inside. My heart echoed loudly in my body. He saw me and came straight to me.

I : “Well, I’m flying tomorrow.”

Yosuke: “ Yes… but you will return next year!”

I: “Yes.”

Yosuke: “And I will maybe join the band LM.C and I will come to Europe!”

I: “Have fun with them!”

Yosuke: “We’ll write mails then!”

I: “Yes.. hmm… ehm…”

Yosuke: “What?”

I: “Can I? Can I hug you?” (Damn you, housemate! Brainwashed me the second time!)

Yosuke: “Of course”.

We hugged and I felt his muscles even closer. I was sure to see him again. I was sure to fall in love with him and make cute drummer babies one day. Well, I couldn’t know that everything turned out different than expected and I recognized: I was fooled by myself.