The flight
back to our home country was filled with lovely memories of the past month. I
was really thankful to Anna and all the people we have met. In addition a sweet
see-you-next-year-mail from Yosuke sweetened the way back.
I didn’t
say Ryu goodbye. Does he know that I’m already away? Ah, well didn’t matter
because finally I arrived at home, I unpacked my stuff and returned to the
daily routine.
Did Ryu
followed my advice and stopped working as host? Is he still touching shoulders
of strangers? Well, why should I care? Yosuke is in my head! Woho! Drummer
babies! I decided to mail him.
Unfortunately
my mails didn’t get through to Yosukes mobile phone and the other way around.
The company blocked mails from overseas. This fact destroyed my life. I cried for 2 whole months, didn’t eat
anything and threw cotton balls on every happy couple which I’ve seen! Well,
actually I expected such reaction from myself but somehow I had the “can’t be
helped”-attitude again.
What
happened to me? Why did I browse through Ameblo-blog sites and looked for Ryu?!
Why did I opened the host index website and starred at his pictures? Ahh, maybe
I was just interested in his suit. Yes, the reason must be: I like suits!
One day I
was shopping with my whole family. It was already November, 1 month after I
returned from Japan. We drove back home in our car. The night covered
everything in black and small raindrops fell on my window. I looked outside,
wondering what Ryu was doing now. I dwelled on this thought, when suddenly a
voice inside my head said: “I love him”. Just this. Well, thank you, brain! Why
wasn’t it just “oh maybe I feel small affection towards him?”, why love?! Why
was I so stupid and didn’t recognize it before? If I were a Pokémon I would be probably
Slowpoke.
source: knowyourmeme.com, Hey Slowpoke is pink too! Damn it, maybe I'm really a Pokémon
but I am too slow to recognize it!
In fact I hid almost 2 months
my true feelings from MYSELF. I think I’m a good secret keeper then.
I felt
miserable. I loved someone who:
- Already had forgotten me probably.
- Was shorter than me.
- Lives in Japan
- Even with his hair all up in the air, he was shorter than me.
- Was a damn host!
- Was a damn small host! (1,65m!!!)
- Had no real contact address!
I had his
e-mail address but the nice company was blocking all mails. Mr. Google
wasn’t really helpful at all (I thought
you know everything!).
One month
past. It was already December. My hopes were already gone but I found myself
typing in his host name in the ameblo blog search (I call it research, not
stalking). Suddenly a face appeared which I haven’t seen since almost 2 ½
months!
Yes! I’ve
found him! He started a blog! I immediately looked through the entries. There
wasn’t much but there were some pictures of him. My brain tried to calm down my
heart but all I heard was its loud beat. The last doubts that I just imagined
that I’m in love were erased. Fuck my life.
“Okay, stay
focused! You can’t mail him right away! What should you tell him? ‘Oh hi, I
just stalked you and finally found you, haha I love you, come to me woho!’”, I
tried to concentrate. While I desperately tried to keep my thoughts together, I
didn’t recognize that my fingers already wrote a mail.
Actually, I
promised to send him some beer from my home country. But I hadn’t his address.
So I asked him something like “Hey, do you remember me? Well, we had a promise
with the beer. Give me your address blabla.” Yes, really great e-mail. As if he
replies to me. Haha. Ha.
The next
day I got a reply with the address (of the club) and a “It’s been a long time.
Of course I remember you.” I don’t have to mention that I felt happy? Even if
it was just a normal mail. I was young and totally in love with a host.
We mailed a
bit and suddenly he asked “Don’t you come to Japan again?” Actually, it was my
plan to come to Japan again. Damn, I loved this country and I have friends
there… and it wouldn’t be just for him… right? So I answered him that I’m
planning to come.
 |
| Yes, I used to keep every message. Hey, no judging, I was a young girl in love... |
“I will
wait for you. I want to meet you again.”
My heart skipped a beat.
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