Sometimes melancholy surrounds me. It happens suddenly. Today it happened while I was riding an escalator. Yeah, big thing! Well, every time I'm on an escalator, I'm thinking of the special scene in the movie "Cruel Intentions". The future of two lovers seems to be lost. The girl is about to leave, taking an escalator and then... she looks up to the end of it. He is there! Her love! It's nothing big, it's not even a romantic place, but it's a lovely scene which is full of hope.
|Awwwwwwww (copyright by Cruel Intentions, probably Warner Bros or so)|
Well, like I said, I rode this escalator and suddenly imagined Hiro would stand at the end of it. To underline this shocking thought, my head started to play "Colorblind" by "Counting Crows". Nice outplaying.
Yep, this is how I ended up here. Writing nonsense. I've been pulled back by the past and it feels like I've lost my colors of life back then. My childhood was colorful, grammar school was dark grey, he pulled me out of this grey and gave me my colors back and now?
I should be happy, maybe I am. But sometimes it feels like I am just continuing living. The fact that he is an important part of my past was already accepted by my head. I know he will always be this part of me.
But I could not stop myself from thinking: "What if there are other dimensions?" (First escalator philosophy and now dimensions?!?!). It sounds weird. But wouldn't it be nice to know that in another dimension I chose him? I chose being with him, even if it didn't work out. Thinking of another me who had the chance to experience a "together" makes me feel fine.
I'm fine. And I always be.