Sleepless in a love hotel

Somehow I felt angry. It was the pressure on me. What would happen next? I didn’t know what to do, that’s why a small feeling of anger appeared. That was the reason why I answered on his “Oh I wonder if this XXX hotel is a love hotel”, with a pissed “Well, it has a hotel in the name? So I guess it is one!”

He decided that this would be a perfect place for us. For me, it was the first time entering this kind of hotel. My anger was blown away by curiosity. After the entrance hall a wall of screens welcomed us. No employee was there. The screens showed different rooms and with a control panel one could choose which room to take. “Which one do you want?”

I looked closely to the screens but I couldn’t concentrate: “You can choose”. After this he pressed some numbers and the screen turned black. So this room will be ours for tonight. “It’s expensive!”, I answered in wonder while looking at the price. “Actually, it’s pretty cheap”, he replied. Damn semi-rich hosts!

The room itself was elegant. I liked it. We talked about various stuff like computer games, my country, Japan, games and anime. We compared our favorite characters and laughed a lot. Like I said, my Japanese wasn’t so good back then. So the second awkward moment appeared. Right, this kind of situation, where I tend to say “yes” to everything. Really, really dangerous this time.

Ryu: “blablablaaaaa and so on with a lot of bla and bla”

I: “Hai?” (yes)

Ryu: “Blaaabllaaaablaaa really a lot of blaa. Sounding-like-a-question-bla?”

I: “Hai?”

Suddenly he bowed over to me and kissed me deeply. I didn’t move an inch. The time stood still. What was it? Damn! I should stop just saying “hai” all the time. Something started to burn inside me… ehm but before this becomes a pr0n-blog, I skip to the sleeping-time. J

After sleeping everyday on a futon, I was looking forward to sleep in such a soft huge bed. “Hyaaa, this would be a night full of sleep, peace and – wait? What is this? Why is there a party in our room? Wait… what? “

It wasn’t a party. It was his mobile phone which rang in such a loud volume that my ears were about to burst. I looked at him. He was still sleeping. “Maybe I can throw the mobile phone in the bathroom. But maybe this would wake him up and I can’t touch his things. Aaahhh~ it stopped!” I hoped to be able to sleep then. Well, I turned around to my sleeping side. He turned around and I could see his face. “He looks like an angel”, I stared at him for minutes, maybe hours. Actually, I wanted to get my mobile phone and take a photo of him but this would have been so freaky.

Third try to sleep: “Party again! That damn mobile phone!!!”

Fourth try: ”Btw, why did he let the lights on?! I just can sleep when it’s dark! UAAHH!”

Fifth try: “Why didn’t he turn the classical music off? I feel like in a concert!”

Sixth try (daylight touched my face): Ryu kicked me in his sleep. Nice.

Seventh try: “Okay, now! Woho, I’m almost sleeping, almost sleeping, sleeping, slee—aah!” Ryu put his arms on my body. When I tried to push them down, he grabbed my hand and held it tightly.

Retrospectively seen, I guess the kiss, his sleeping face, our same interests and this “holding hands”-thing touched my soul.

Early in the morning, the night ended. He woke up and got ready, told me to eat something (Onigiri at the morning. My stomach felt like vomiting. This was simply too heavy food for this time of the day).

Ryu got dressed and fixed his hair. His hairspray bottle was 3 times bigger than my self-defense-hairspray. I had to laugh. If there has been a fight, I would have lost.

We left the hotel and headed for the train station. He needed to pee. I’ve waited for him. When he returned, we walked the last meters to the station. “It was fun. Please, write me a message again”, he smiled at me. I nodded, but thought that I would never write him. I couldn’t allow myself to develop feelings. That’s why no contact was the better solution.

source: Hazuki Kanae's "Ai no Koe", edited by me

He went to his train. I walked back to the guesthouse.

There were only three days left in Japan. Anna kept on mailing with a nice guy. A part of me missed his mails. A part of me wanted to message him. I ignored these feelings.

"Yes"

The day started quite well. We went shopping in the fashion district Harajuku. My heart was suddenly full of dresses. What else does a girl need? Nothing! Right? Not a single thing!

But why did our feet moved towards Kabukichou when the night fell on the city? Maybe it was fairy dust? Or just the fact that I wrote Ryu that I want to meet him and tell him if this evening we're going to stay somewhere together or not.

My secret waterproof (haha) plan was to see him and decide whether I want to make the next step or not. My brain told me that I should dump him and my heart was on holidays in Hawaii. So I couldn’t ask it. Can't be helped.

I messaged him in front of the club. But he didn't come out, so I asked a Host who
was about to enter the club. "Could you tell Ryu that I'm here?" He said that he'll deliver my message to him and went into hell ehm.. the host club.

Anna suddenly grabbed my shoulder: "Did you recognize who it was?"
I: "Ehm? A palm-wearing host? Woho~ so special!"
Anna: "It was Tatsuya! The host you told "sayonara" before."
I: "Oh... you mean the host I told 'Hosts are evil, do something else. Rescue your soul?"
Anna: "Yep. "
I: "And now I'm standing here, asking him to get Ryu out of the club?"
Anna: "Yep."
I: "Oh..."

In this moment my brain sent me a "I'm right~ I am right~ So dump Ryu now"-message. Everything
was clear now, the path of my future, the next days! Woho! Yeah, I would free myself from
him. Easy-peasy! Ha!

Then Ryu entered the stage. This was the first time in my life that I had a "slow-motion"-
experience. It was really like he walked towards me in a romantic-movie-like way (with all the
glitter stuff. and sparkling. and music.). My brain suddenly seemed to be far away. Maybe it was visiting my heart in Hawaii? I don't know. Things started to go out of control. First my face. I blushed.

He said something.

I couldn't understand.

We sat down. Anna translated: "He said your face is blushing."
I looked away. When I tried to look at him again, my face was totally red.

source: Hazuki Kanae's "Ai no koe"text customized by me

What happened? After he apologized for being late, he told us that he has a client right now and told her to go out for smoking. We talked about something. I don't know about what. I forgot everything.
In my memories I can just remember how we sit there. How my body trembled. How I tried to reduce the redness of my face.

Then he asked: "Are we going to meet tonight?"
I answered with a 'yes'.

We returned to our guesthouse. He would mail me when he came to our station. Slowly I prepared myself. For some reason I wanted to be pretty. I wanted him to tell me that I’m beautiful.

He mailed me when I just finished the shower. Damn! Guys! I can’t look beautiful within 2 minutes! I needed to make my hairdo, my make up! I was pissed. Seriously. So I told Anna to message him that he should wait, I’m not finished.

I’ve put on my sneakers (for the case of feeling like wanting to run away) and hairspray (self defense!) and walked to the train station. To be honest, I don’t have much self-confident but I remember liking myself at that night.

Then I saw him. He looked awesome like always. With a smile that instantly killed me, he asked me if we should buy something to drink and to eat. I nodded (the only thing I was able to do) and so we went to the next convenience store. In front of the liquor, he looked for something. “What are you looking for?”, I asked. “Smirnoff. It’s your favorite, right?”, Ryu answered while looking straight into my eyes. “Damn, they haven’t any. Let’s search for it somewhere else.” Before we walked in another convenience story (in Japan these stores are EVERYWHERE), he grabbed my ass and smiled.

This pervert! Well, actually it was just teasing. Then he concentrated on his big task “finding Smirnoff for his date”. Unfortunately he couldn’t complete his task, so I chose another cocktail in a can and an onigiri. I wanted to pay my stuff but Ryu told me that he wants to do it and he has enough money.

With drinks and onigiris we went on the streets of Tokyo again. It was a quiet night. He asked me suddenly about my past and I told him a lot of stuff which I didn’t tell anyone before. Why? He was a stranger. Right? Then he said straight: “I don’t understand why those things happened in the past. You’re so beautiful.” It was not a lie. I felt it. I’m not stupid.

About meeting the perfect guy

My life tends to get dorama-like when it’s already complicated. So what do we need for a classical dorama? Right, we need another guy to make things even more dificult. In my case it was a waiter from a bar. Anna and I went to a bar in order to meet our housemate there.

We had a nice evening until the conversation came to the great topic love. “Do you like any guy around here?”, our housemate asked me. “Well, the waiter is kinda cute”, I replied in a shy way. Actually the guy was pretty hot and absolutely my type! He was taller than me, had blond hair, muscles and wore a sailor uniform (yes, it was a sailor themed bar). I had to order from him because our housemate called him over several times and I only ordered apple juice. Unfortunately apple juice wants to leave the body soon after you drink it, so I had to find a toilet.

source: Hazuki Kanae's "Ai no koe"text customized of course

On my way to it, I bumped into the waiter. Unfortunately not literally. I really crashed into him and blushed immediately. Then I walked away like a tomato in trance. After this awkward situation he disappeared.

My brain was happy with that “Yes, no more moments of embarrassment”. But, like I said, life is a pure dorama! That’s why Mr. Waiter appeared shortly after my thoughts, in a leather jacket (Rock’n’Roll!) and baseball cap. Too much things I like. Too much things I like. Too much things I like. I drooled on the table and tried to smile when he waved to our table in order to say goodbye.

“Go to him and ask him for his number”, the voice of my housemate echoed in my head. “yeah, yeah… sure”, I replied without enthusiasm. “No! Really! It’s your ‚once in a lifetime‘-chance! So go! Maybe you’ll never see him again.“ Hmm, this sounded really logical or maybe it was the power of the apple juices in my stomach. I couldn’t decide what to do. I was a shy girl, I am a shy girl and I guess I will always be. Nevertheless, some inner force pushed me out of the bar (or was it my roommate?) and suddenly I recognized that I stood outside in front of him. My brain still worked and spoke to him in Japanese.

I: “Excuse me!”
He: “Yes?”
I: *STUPIDEST QUESTION EVER* “Do you have a girlfriend?”
He: “Nope”
I: “Can I have your mail address?”
He: “Sure.”
I: *I realized that I ran out without anything* “Oh I have to get my mobile phone.”

After that he saved his mail address and name (Yosuke) by himself (because I was too stupid and nervous to manage it). The conversation ended with a “Thank you for the many apple juices” from me.

On the next day I wrote with Yosuke and found out that he was almost perfect: just one year younger than me, loves Rock-music, studies music and plays drums in a band.

In the meantime Ryu still wrote me messages like “I’m going home now! I’m totally drunk.” Nice. Things I don’t want to know because I’m not interested. I slowly forgot about his magical, charming aura and hardly answered to his messages.

Unfortunately the process of forgetting was really slow because Ryu still wanted to meet me and actually I told him ‘Well okay, tomorrow’. But I was scared and didn’t know if I worsen this dorama by meeting him. I was also not that type of girl who meets a lot of boys. Everything got slowly out of my hands. I was swimming in a sea of lust, love and too much melon soda. The labyrinth of feelings was dark and I couldn’t see a guiding light. There was no end to – okay, enough of the metaphors. I think you get it, right? I just didn’t know what to do! Damn you, Japanese boys!

My brain knew that Yosuke was better for me than Ryu probably was. So what to do?

I knew no solution, that’s why I’ve sent Ryu a photo of my two plush toys (pigs). I didn’t know why. He had no use for it either. Well, it was worth trying anyway.