Sleepless in a love hotel

Somehow I felt angry. It was the pressure on me. What would happen next? I didn’t know what to do, that’s why a small feeling of anger appeared. That was the reason why I answered on his “Oh I wonder if this XXX hotel is a love hotel”, with a pissed “Well, it has a hotel in the name? So I guess it is one!”

He decided that this would be a perfect place for us. For me, it was the first time entering this kind of hotel. My anger was blown away by curiosity. After the entrance hall a wall of screens welcomed us. No employee was there. The screens showed different rooms and with a control panel one could choose which room to take. “Which one do you want?”

I looked closely to the screens but I couldn’t concentrate: “You can choose”. After this he pressed some numbers and the screen turned black. So this room will be ours for tonight. “It’s expensive!”, I answered in wonder while looking at the price. “Actually, it’s pretty cheap”, he replied. Damn semi-rich hosts!

The room itself was elegant. I liked it. We talked about various stuff like computer games, my country, Japan, games and anime. We compared our favorite characters and laughed a lot. Like I said, my Japanese wasn’t so good back then. So the second awkward moment appeared. Right, this kind of situation, where I tend to say “yes” to everything. Really, really dangerous this time.

Ryu: “blablablaaaaa and so on with a lot of bla and bla”

I: “Hai?” (yes)

Ryu: “Blaaabllaaaablaaa really a lot of blaa. Sounding-like-a-question-bla?”

I: “Hai?”

Suddenly he bowed over to me and kissed me deeply. I didn’t move an inch. The time stood still. What was it? Damn! I should stop just saying “hai” all the time. Something started to burn inside me… ehm but before this becomes a pr0n-blog, I skip to the sleeping-time. J

After sleeping everyday on a futon, I was looking forward to sleep in such a soft huge bed. “Hyaaa, this would be a night full of sleep, peace and – wait? What is this? Why is there a party in our room? Wait… what? “

It wasn’t a party. It was his mobile phone which rang in such a loud volume that my ears were about to burst. I looked at him. He was still sleeping. “Maybe I can throw the mobile phone in the bathroom. But maybe this would wake him up and I can’t touch his things. Aaahhh~ it stopped!” I hoped to be able to sleep then. Well, I turned around to my sleeping side. He turned around and I could see his face. “He looks like an angel”, I stared at him for minutes, maybe hours. Actually, I wanted to get my mobile phone and take a photo of him but this would have been so freaky.

Third try to sleep: “Party again! That damn mobile phone!!!”

Fourth try: ”Btw, why did he let the lights on?! I just can sleep when it’s dark! UAAHH!”

Fifth try: “Why didn’t he turn the classical music off? I feel like in a concert!”

Sixth try (daylight touched my face): Ryu kicked me in his sleep. Nice.

Seventh try: “Okay, now! Woho, I’m almost sleeping, almost sleeping, sleeping, slee—aah!” Ryu put his arms on my body. When I tried to push them down, he grabbed my hand and held it tightly.

Retrospectively seen, I guess the kiss, his sleeping face, our same interests and this “holding hands”-thing touched my soul.

Early in the morning, the night ended. He woke up and got ready, told me to eat something (Onigiri at the morning. My stomach felt like vomiting. This was simply too heavy food for this time of the day).

Ryu got dressed and fixed his hair. His hairspray bottle was 3 times bigger than my self-defense-hairspray. I had to laugh. If there has been a fight, I would have lost.

We left the hotel and headed for the train station. He needed to pee. I’ve waited for him. When he returned, we walked the last meters to the station. “It was fun. Please, write me a message again”, he smiled at me. I nodded, but thought that I would never write him. I couldn’t allow myself to develop feelings. That’s why no contact was the better solution.

source: Hazuki Kanae's "Ai no Koe", edited by me

He went to his train. I walked back to the guesthouse.

There were only three days left in Japan. Anna kept on mailing with a nice guy. A part of me missed his mails. A part of me wanted to message him. I ignored these feelings.

"Yes"

The day started quite well. We went shopping in the fashion district Harajuku. My heart was suddenly full of dresses. What else does a girl need? Nothing! Right? Not a single thing!

But why did our feet moved towards Kabukichou when the night fell on the city? Maybe it was fairy dust? Or just the fact that I wrote Ryu that I want to meet him and tell him if this evening we're going to stay somewhere together or not.

My secret waterproof (haha) plan was to see him and decide whether I want to make the next step or not. My brain told me that I should dump him and my heart was on holidays in Hawaii. So I couldn’t ask it. Can't be helped.

I messaged him in front of the club. But he didn't come out, so I asked a Host who
was about to enter the club. "Could you tell Ryu that I'm here?" He said that he'll deliver my message to him and went into hell ehm.. the host club.

Anna suddenly grabbed my shoulder: "Did you recognize who it was?"
I: "Ehm? A palm-wearing host? Woho~ so special!"
Anna: "It was Tatsuya! The host you told "sayonara" before."
I: "Oh... you mean the host I told 'Hosts are evil, do something else. Rescue your soul?"
Anna: "Yep. "
I: "And now I'm standing here, asking him to get Ryu out of the club?"
Anna: "Yep."
I: "Oh..."

In this moment my brain sent me a "I'm right~ I am right~ So dump Ryu now"-message. Everything
was clear now, the path of my future, the next days! Woho! Yeah, I would free myself from
him. Easy-peasy! Ha!

Then Ryu entered the stage. This was the first time in my life that I had a "slow-motion"-
experience. It was really like he walked towards me in a romantic-movie-like way (with all the
glitter stuff. and sparkling. and music.). My brain suddenly seemed to be far away. Maybe it was visiting my heart in Hawaii? I don't know. Things started to go out of control. First my face. I blushed.

He said something.

I couldn't understand.

We sat down. Anna translated: "He said your face is blushing."
I looked away. When I tried to look at him again, my face was totally red.

source: Hazuki Kanae's "Ai no koe"text customized by me

What happened? After he apologized for being late, he told us that he has a client right now and told her to go out for smoking. We talked about something. I don't know about what. I forgot everything.
In my memories I can just remember how we sit there. How my body trembled. How I tried to reduce the redness of my face.

Then he asked: "Are we going to meet tonight?"
I answered with a 'yes'.

We returned to our guesthouse. He would mail me when he came to our station. Slowly I prepared myself. For some reason I wanted to be pretty. I wanted him to tell me that I’m beautiful.

He mailed me when I just finished the shower. Damn! Guys! I can’t look beautiful within 2 minutes! I needed to make my hairdo, my make up! I was pissed. Seriously. So I told Anna to message him that he should wait, I’m not finished.

I’ve put on my sneakers (for the case of feeling like wanting to run away) and hairspray (self defense!) and walked to the train station. To be honest, I don’t have much self-confident but I remember liking myself at that night.

Then I saw him. He looked awesome like always. With a smile that instantly killed me, he asked me if we should buy something to drink and to eat. I nodded (the only thing I was able to do) and so we went to the next convenience store. In front of the liquor, he looked for something. “What are you looking for?”, I asked. “Smirnoff. It’s your favorite, right?”, Ryu answered while looking straight into my eyes. “Damn, they haven’t any. Let’s search for it somewhere else.” Before we walked in another convenience story (in Japan these stores are EVERYWHERE), he grabbed my ass and smiled.

This pervert! Well, actually it was just teasing. Then he concentrated on his big task “finding Smirnoff for his date”. Unfortunately he couldn’t complete his task, so I chose another cocktail in a can and an onigiri. I wanted to pay my stuff but Ryu told me that he wants to do it and he has enough money.

With drinks and onigiris we went on the streets of Tokyo again. It was a quiet night. He asked me suddenly about my past and I told him a lot of stuff which I didn’t tell anyone before. Why? He was a stranger. Right? Then he said straight: “I don’t understand why those things happened in the past. You’re so beautiful.” It was not a lie. I felt it. I’m not stupid.

About meeting the perfect guy

My life tends to get dorama-like when it’s already complicated. So what do we need for a classical dorama? Right, we need another guy to make things even more dificult. In my case it was a waiter from a bar. Anna and I went to a bar in order to meet our housemate there.

We had a nice evening until the conversation came to the great topic love. “Do you like any guy around here?”, our housemate asked me. “Well, the waiter is kinda cute”, I replied in a shy way. Actually the guy was pretty hot and absolutely my type! He was taller than me, had blond hair, muscles and wore a sailor uniform (yes, it was a sailor themed bar). I had to order from him because our housemate called him over several times and I only ordered apple juice. Unfortunately apple juice wants to leave the body soon after you drink it, so I had to find a toilet.

source: Hazuki Kanae's "Ai no koe"text customized of course

On my way to it, I bumped into the waiter. Unfortunately not literally. I really crashed into him and blushed immediately. Then I walked away like a tomato in trance. After this awkward situation he disappeared.

My brain was happy with that “Yes, no more moments of embarrassment”. But, like I said, life is a pure dorama! That’s why Mr. Waiter appeared shortly after my thoughts, in a leather jacket (Rock’n’Roll!) and baseball cap. Too much things I like. Too much things I like. Too much things I like. I drooled on the table and tried to smile when he waved to our table in order to say goodbye.

“Go to him and ask him for his number”, the voice of my housemate echoed in my head. “yeah, yeah… sure”, I replied without enthusiasm. “No! Really! It’s your ‚once in a lifetime‘-chance! So go! Maybe you’ll never see him again.“ Hmm, this sounded really logical or maybe it was the power of the apple juices in my stomach. I couldn’t decide what to do. I was a shy girl, I am a shy girl and I guess I will always be. Nevertheless, some inner force pushed me out of the bar (or was it my roommate?) and suddenly I recognized that I stood outside in front of him. My brain still worked and spoke to him in Japanese.

I: “Excuse me!”
He: “Yes?”
I: *STUPIDEST QUESTION EVER* “Do you have a girlfriend?”
He: “Nope”
I: “Can I have your mail address?”
He: “Sure.”
I: *I realized that I ran out without anything* “Oh I have to get my mobile phone.”

After that he saved his mail address and name (Yosuke) by himself (because I was too stupid and nervous to manage it). The conversation ended with a “Thank you for the many apple juices” from me.

On the next day I wrote with Yosuke and found out that he was almost perfect: just one year younger than me, loves Rock-music, studies music and plays drums in a band.

In the meantime Ryu still wrote me messages like “I’m going home now! I’m totally drunk.” Nice. Things I don’t want to know because I’m not interested. I slowly forgot about his magical, charming aura and hardly answered to his messages.

Unfortunately the process of forgetting was really slow because Ryu still wanted to meet me and actually I told him ‘Well okay, tomorrow’. But I was scared and didn’t know if I worsen this dorama by meeting him. I was also not that type of girl who meets a lot of boys. Everything got slowly out of my hands. I was swimming in a sea of lust, love and too much melon soda. The labyrinth of feelings was dark and I couldn’t see a guiding light. There was no end to – okay, enough of the metaphors. I think you get it, right? I just didn’t know what to do! Damn you, Japanese boys!

My brain knew that Yosuke was better for me than Ryu probably was. So what to do?

I knew no solution, that’s why I’ve sent Ryu a photo of my two plush toys (pigs). I didn’t know why. He had no use for it either. Well, it was worth trying anyway.

Mirror, mirror, on the wall? I know you want to tell me that I'm the fairest of them all...

“2 new messages”, the mobile screen said and two heads were trying to look on the small screen at the same time. I guess this expresses how excited we were. In this message, every host thanked us for the conversation at this night. Ryu told us his host-name and also offered us to come to our guesthouse.

Right.

What… wait.. excuse me?

A host, who just wants to earn money and wants to get clients to his club, requested to come to our home? Something wasn’t quite right here. Anna liked Ryu, so she answered him that he can pay us a visit. I replied Tatsuya some random stuff and he replied something really host-like. “Bla bla bla you are beautiful bla bla when do we meet again bla bla will you really come again bla bla my palm is so gorgeous, you never saw such a beautiful host-palm.” Okay, maybe he didn’t mention the last part. Nevertheless, we laughed our asses of because it was like in those host documentaries. Furthermore we were only being able to see their written words and not their whole charming appearances. That’s why it was easier to make fun of them without getting into the no-brain-mode because of these dangerous charming-waves.

The interesting thing was still Ryu who wanted to come to our guesthouse. So we waited for his reply, we waited long. I remember that I wanted to take a shower but couldn’t because we expected his message.

Then we annoyed our guesthouse mate and let him chat with Anna’s sister on ICQ. Her sister didn’t even recognize that another person wrote to her although he didn’t speak our language and wrote the words which we told him just by listen to them closely. I also wrote an article to my Japanese blog in which I told my friends that we met some hosts who are so stupid to believe that we’re going to their club (Well, writing this in my blog was a mistake. But this will be another story). Unfortunately Ryu didn’t reply. Well, the next day we saw the reason why. Anna didn’t send her reply to Ryu, she sent it to Tatsuya. Typically us.

On that day we enjoyed our time with learning (Anna) and shopping (me, guess who had the better day?) and messaged our host-boys from time to time. I asked Tatsuya if the club was full and if he had a beautiful customer.

Host-Mode-On: “Here are some girls. But… *dramatic music* no one is as beautiful as you.” /Host-Mode-off. It always felt like this “Mirror, mirror on the wall”-thing.

That's it! The "Oh, no one here is as beautiful as you"-message.

This reply amused me a lot. “Who is so stupid and believes such stuff”, I thought while trying to image a normal host club situation. Nevertheless, I got more and more curious about those clubs and wanted to go to one with my friend. But another guesthouse mate warned us.

“They are the worst”, he said, “They don’t have a soul. They just want to make money. I know that because I also did this job a few years ago. I saw a girl who ordered just 3 drinks but they let her pay 50.000 Yen.”

While I was still shocked that he was a host but slowly recognized that I can imagine him very well in this job, I decided not to go. It was simply too dangerous.

Meanwhile, Anna kept on mailing with Ryu. Actually I forgot about what kind of stuff.

The next day I grew tired of Tatsuya. Moreover, I felt sorry for him because with me was actually a waste of time. I wouldn’t come to his club. So I decided to end the whole story and said “Sayonara” to him. I drafted a long message in which I told him that his job is dangerous for his health. Sometimes, I’m such a mother-type. Then I mentioned that I don’t like hosts because they are lying and I would never go to a host club. Gosh, some days later I would regret this part of the message. Somehow I felt a little bit sad afterwards because I knew that I wouldn’t receive any ego-boosting mails anymore.

Days passed. Anna and me visited Yokohama, stood in front of a camera, went to Osaka and I went to a theatre play of my favorite musician.

Like I thought, there were no more messages from Tatsuya.

I guess, during that time Anna wrote Ryu what we were doing and he kept begging her to come to the club. But his messages changed on the 24th of September, 8 days after we met the first time.

Don't touch me! Seriously!

So there were two Gaijin-girls, standing in front of a smaller host who introduced himself as “Tatsuya”. He wore a black suit, a white shirt with a black necktie and his brown hair was palm-like with blond highlights but somehow it matched him. He asked us, where we came from and while we just answered “[insert country here]”, another small (1,65 m “tall”) host joined us. “From [insert country here]? Maji de? (really)”, he said with a deep voice. He wore the same clothes like Tatsuya, but a silver brooch stuck on the collar of his suit. His hair was totally black, short and his waxed bangs pointed to the sky. He smiled cheeky. Later we got to know that he called himself Ryu. Well, hosts don’t use their real names, so we could have also called him Primus Magicus or Sailor Moon.

Anyway, we talked about chocolate, beer and other things. Also Ryu told us proudly that he is Number 11 in the ranking of the club and that his picture is also on the wall.

“Here it is”, he said while pointing on his photoshopped photo where you could hardly see his nose.

“Oh… this? You look better now, I guess this is an old photo of you”, I replied in a charming and politely way. Well, at least I thought I said this but actually those words left my lips: “Oh this? You look pretty old now!” Anna started to laugh and corrected my sentence. We all laughed and Ryu said that I’m funny. Then he did something unexpected…. He …. put his arm… on … my… shoulder…

My shoulder: “There’s something on me.”
My head: “WTF? Are we buddies now? What is this? Why so familiar?!”
My heart: “But.. I don’t know him…. Feels strange. Take it away!!! Buhuhu”
My face: *smiling politely while thinking of ways to get his arm off my shoulder*

(source: Hazuki Kanae's "Ai no koe", text customized of course, but Ryu looked like this)

While I was thinking this, he asked me: “You like to wear pink, right? That’s really cute.” The other hand pointed on my clothes. Well, in fact I wore a lot of pink at that night: a pink T-shirt, pink shoes, pink flower in the hair, pink bracelet BUT a jeans-colored-mini-skirt! Oh god, remembering this outfit, I must have looked like a care bear. しょうがない！ (Can’t be helped! -> Really useful Japanese phrase).

I wonder if I had magic powers back then too?

Of course at some point they wanted to persuade us to go into their club (3.000 Yen/hour). Although we were charmed like hell, we recognized that trick and replied “Maybe on the weekend.” Unfortunately they asked for our phone number as well. We thought over it, maybe one second, and said immediately: “Yes, of course!” Anna gave her number “put-the-arm-on-me”-Ryu. At this time we shared one mobile phone which we got from a friend of Anna. That’s why I replied, when Tatsuya asked me for my number, that it’s the same. I guess for Japanese people it was quite unusual to share a mobile phone with another friend. So they gave us this “muri” (impossible)-look.
“We’ll send you a message then”, they promised us and waved when we said goodbye.

On our way home, we giggled like 14-year old girls, felt young, adorable and great. So if you got a problem with your self-confidence, then just boost your ego in Kabuki-chou! You don’t even have to enter a Host Club. What a great evening!

“Will they really write us?”, we wondered and imagined how this story could go on. Anna told me that she likes the short-hair Ryu. I was enchanted by the palmy-Tatsuya. If someone has seen us this evening, then we’re truly sorry. It was probably extremely annoying to see those squealing girls.
However when we finally got home, we didn’t expect some mails from them. But when we looked at the mobile phone it showed us the text “2 new messages”.

The problem with the ‘yes’

On the 16th of September 2009 I’ve learned something very important: Be aware of hosts. Some of them are as charming as toilet paper, some are really sparkling charming but some of them (the most dangerous ones) are adorable dorks (Yes, I admit, I love dorks!). But let’s start from the beginning.

In 2009, I decided to fly with my friend Anna to Japan in order to spend our summer vacations there. One month in Tokyo, one month pure Japanese culture, one month with the gorgeous Anna. You have to know that she can really kick some ass. Really. Just ask the Yakuza. One day she punched the body guard of a higher ranked Yakuza because he dared to touch her. Also I had the best All-Night-Karaoke sessions with her. Aww, I miss these times.

During our stay, I wrote diary. That’s why I can say that it was a Wednesday evening, when I asked Anna to go to Ebisu garden with me. I just wanted to relax there. While sitting on a bench, watching the smoggy sky (how romantic…. not…) and drinking some coffee, I had the idea to explore Kabuki-chou after finishing the drinks.

Host Club advertising in Kabuki-chou

Yes, Kabuki-chou! Homeland for Hosts and Hostesses!
Anna agreed with this idea and taddaa some minutes later we were surrounded by men with hair which looked like palms. Seriously, who told them that it looks good on them? Some are okay but if your head is at the risk to kiss the ground, maybe you should think of not using too much hairspray, Mr. Host. I’m just saying~

Okay, this one is average. But a little bit more and you would think he's a tree!
I'm not trolling on you, unknown-Host-san. I really respect you for your work O,o

Some hosts even dared to talk with us gaijins. Anna is really fluent in Japanese but I had some problems to understand them (but I improved now!). Well, the biggest problem is my habit to say “yes” even though I didn’t understand a single word. This problem was going to push me right into “hell”. But this is another story. Later, later~

So my problem led to several funny conversations.

Host: “Hey, would you like to come into my club?”
I: *was proud to understand it* “No, thank you.”
Host: “Will you come tomorrow?”
I: *brain: ehh??, the only possible brain-reaction* Yes!
Host: “Are you lying to me?”
I: *brain already in off-mode*: Yes! *with a proud voice*

We also met a Host who laughed when I made fun of him in my mother tongue which he 100% didn’t understand. So we discovered that in Kabuki-chou there weren’t only sparkling men…
There were straw-men (brain filled with straw) too.

After these “great” experiences we walked to the end of Kabuki-chou. The noises of the city got quieter, the host clubs turned into transvestite bars and we decided to return after the next street.
Well, I never thought that this decision would change at least a couple years of my life. In this street there was a small host-club.

“Let’s play a game”, I suggested Anna while looking at the commercial for the hosts in this club. “We count until three and then we point on the host, we would date! Ok?”, until now, I still love these kind of stupid games. She agreed and we counted to three. Of course we pointed at two different guys and started to laugh. When suddenly, I still don’t know how, a small host appeared in front of us, greeting us...

This is a typical Host advertising. There are similar ones in front of each club. So you can play this game at the screen too.