Big Mouse

So, the shoulder-touching host was back in my life. Pardon me, Ex-Host. Yes, you heard it right. He had quit his job and moved back to his parents (hey, that’s better than being a host! No judging). Furthermore he applied for a totally normal job as headhunter for business people. Okay, it’s semi-normal but well, better than being a host.

He talked about his hometown and wanted to guide me around his place. Mr. Ex-Host even wanted to eat fish with me because it is really popular in this area. Everything sounded like a dream to me but there was something I really needed to know before I totally fell into this wonderland. It wasn’t something like “Do you love me? Wanna marry me? Wanna make children who will be probably taller than you?” (Memo to myself: Should.stop.doing.height.jokes)

It wasn’t even about the incident or about how he gets his hair so spiky. The thing I wanted to know the most was: “What’s your real name”.  Just minutes after sending this mail, he also answered directly: “Matsumoto Hiro”. 

Hiro. I finally knew his real name.  I can be your Hiro, baby! I can kiss away the pain! I will …  Oh wait – didn’t he say before that he wants to meet me again and drive me around?! And he wanted to show me a lighthouse! How romantic! Oh, ohh!! *embarrassing love mode on*

I immediately told it to my university mate Kate who stated the obvious: “He’s going to sleep with you. Everywhere. On the bed, on the washing machine. Maybe you are going to see the lighthouse from the washing machine while you are doing it with him.” Well, this didn’t sound so bad actually. Of course I wanted to be loved but saying “No” wouldn’t have helped and Mr. Libido was already packing the suitcase for the summer holidays. 

But until then there was still plenty of time. Unfortunately. Nevertheless we mailed a lot and I laughed so much about his mails. 

I told him that I’m going to stay at my housemate’s room this year. It was the guy who lived next door to Anna and me in 2009. During our stay, I developed a brother and sister like relationship with him. But a mail from Hiro with a tiny bit of jealousy flew to me “Is he a man?”. Yes, he is a man! „Ah, it’s a man. Isn’t this dangerous?“, he answered. Oh baby, you know how to make a girl blush! I was happy that he was kinda worried about me, even it was just politeness. So I wrote “Well, actually you seemed more dangerous last year than him. But don’t worry, he’s like a bro to me.” It made him laugh. 

Days flew past, meanwhile the Soccer World Cup started and sometimes we wrote about it. During one of this conversation, I had to laugh so much that he got a nickname afterwards.

I: “Whoa! Honda Keisuke from the Japanese Team is so cool!”

He: “Honda plays very well but he is a (and the capslock words were written in English) BIG MOUSE”

I: *receiving this mail* O,O Big Mouse? Must be his nickname. Let’s ask Google. Nothing. Big Mouse? What kind of nickname is this?! Strange. After some minutes I spoke these two words to myself: „Big… Mouse…. Wait! BIG MOUTH!!!!” I laughed so much. I shared this with my friends because it was so unbelievable funny! He actually wanted to tell me “Honda has a big mouth”. I corrected him and added “But I like you more than him.”

He: “Thank you for the correction. Hehehe. You like me more than him? Really? (//д//) Thank you ♪ I wanna meet you so badly!“

Sometimes I still call him “big mouse” or “nezumi-kun” (Mr. Mouse, why does the Japanese version sounds so cute and the English translation so... pervert?) when we chat. Then we’re laughing and he says “natsukashii” which means something like “a lovely memory”. 

Another time we talked about our favorite type. Of course he told me that I am his favorite type (once host, always host?). And he wanted to know my favorite type of men. Well, actually my type of men was always: taller than me, not a host, not even an ex-host, not compulsory Japanese, university student… well, everyone has standards, right? And I was young, so I thought this is my type. Now I know that my type is: a lovely dork. Someone who tries to act really cool and stuff, but in the end he fails. That’s what I love. 

Okay, back to Hiro. What should I answer? “You are not sooooo much my type”, wouldn’t bring me close to him, so I told him that he’s my type. Immediately I got a “I like you” message back. DAISUKI! He likes me! Somehow! Doesn’t matter in which way but he doesn’t hate me completely! Yay!

Such messages make a girl feel happy, guys.

And it started to get better: He invited me to his birthday and wanted to introduce me to his friends. More yays! Oh, but friends? I didn’t want to meet his friends! I hardly speak Japanese! I would be helpless! And if they all look good I … I would die because of over-sexual arousal?! Was this even possible?!  Maybe I was also just a puppet to show to others?!  

How it all ended with Ryu

Though I felt the urge to mail him EVERDAY or EVERY MINUTE or EVERY SECOND, I stopped myself. It was bad enough that I had stalked him, I should be less clingy.

I asked my friends for advises and recognized that there were two different parties: the Pro-Ryu-Party (Fighting against evil and fighting for love! Moon prism power, maaake up! Or something like this ) and the Anti-Ryu-Party (thinking that he might be a foreigner-girls-misusing womanizer, a good-looking foreigner-girls-misusing womanizer). I found myself somewhere in the middle. 

Right before Christmas, I’ve met Monica from the Anti-Ryu-Party and told her from my idea to send him a “Merry Christmas”-Mail for Christmas.  She told me it might be better to cut off the contact because she didn’t want me to get hurt. I still remember telling her that it’s important for me to tell everyone who I like or love on Christmas that I think of them. So why not him? It’s just a logical conclusion.  And it has nothing to do with having finally a reason to mail him again. Right?

So I mailed him on Christmas. Didn’t expect to get something in return but suddenly my mailbox window showed me his mail. It was short but it was a mail from him. I was full of Christmas joy! I smiled the whole holidays and it seemed that my fear of Santa Clause also got smaller. A bit. Hell, this guy is still as scary as clowns. Who invented these creatures of horror?

But my joy ended rapidly on the morning of the 26^th of December. I was about to check Ryu’s blog to see if he posted something about Christmas. There was indeed a new blog entry. He used too many Kanjis in it, that’s why I moved my browser dictionary over the symbols. The words which popped up, shocked me. I couldn’t understand. I couldn’t form a sentence.

“Vomit”, “Blood”, “it hurts” – I had to concentrate. What happened to him? After some minutes I finally figured out the sentence: “This morning I vomited blood. It hurts”. I commented on this post immediately: “Go to the hospital! Right now!”

source: Hazuki Kanae's "Ai no Koe"

I’ve waited. Nothing happened. On the next day, the entry was deleted. I decided to write him a message: “Ryu? Did you go to the hospital? Maybe it’s your liver? Please go to the hospital. I’m worrying. Get well soon. I really hate your job. I’m sorry but I don’t think that money is more important than your health.”

I started waiting again. Nothing. One week passed. Nothing. It turned 2010. Nothing. A voice within my head told me all the time “He’s dead”, “You will never see him again”. Ha, Voice in my head! I still have one really ingenious idea! Ha,ha! I would call his host club and pretend to be a costumer. Then I will ask for him! Isn’t this a perfect plan? Waterproof and everything!

In the middle of January I decided to call the club. I was really, really nervous. I dialed, listened to the steady peeps, when suddenly someone with a really hot voice picked up:

Host *with probably a palm on his head*: “Here is the Club blablabla. How can I help you?”
I: “Is Ryu there today?”

Host: “No, he stopped working. Sorry.”
I: “Why?”

Host: “I can’t tell you anything about it. Sorry.”

Then he started to talk in fast Japanese and I couldn’t understand a word. That’s why I decided to simply hang up the phone. “Okay, he stopped. Or did he stop working because he died?”

This information didn’t help me much but I wouldn’t give up. In February I wrote my last mail to him. Asking if he is still alive. No answer on this too. And it was going to be worse.

The mailman came around March. He carried the package of beer which I’ve sent Ryu. Seeing that my package has returned was a shock. A cold shiver ran through my body. He must be dead.  The mail man was still proud of himself because he figured out my new address though on the package was still my old address (Damn it! I didn’t want a host club to know my address! Maybe they would have come to me and do palmy things with me…). 

I went upstairs with the package in my arms, put it into my closet without opening it. I gave up. This story had ended. Too soon, but it ended. 

For two months I was concentrating on other stuff. I did no stalking. Of course I thought of him and hoped we could see each other again but something deep inside me stopped believing this. 

That’s how the story ends. We never met again. What? Wait? This is not the story you wished for? It was too easy? Just a one-sided love? No other strange turns or different lovers? No description of the pr0n content in the love hotel? Nothing? I stole a couple of hours of your life? Hmm, okay. To be honest this was maybe just 25% of the whole story. Yes, it was just the beginning.  So let’s continue.

Some thought was nagging on me all the time “I never got to know his real name.” It wasn’t a big deal actually, but it was nagging on me. Absentmindedly I browsed through his blog. His profile picture changed!!!! He wrote an entry!!!!!!! HE’S ALIVE!!!! Did he write about girls? Damn, maybe he has a girlfriend. Ah, doesn’t matter, he’s alive! But why a girl?! Okay, I should be happy that he’s alive! Alive, alive, alive. If he still knows me? Ah, I’m going to forget him now. I will never contact him again. Yes.

I was strong. I didn’t write him. I was going to forget him! Haha! Good plan! Unfortunately he didn’t know about this plan. That’s why I received exactly 5 months after this “blood”-entry a mail from him.

All of his mails always sound so "genki", so "in a good mood", like nothing happened =.='

“Are you fine?
(my name) (and probably a heart)
Don’t you want to come to Japan again to hang out?”

Fool for Love

The flight back to our home country was filled with lovely memories of the past month. I was really thankful to Anna and all the people we have met. In addition a sweet see-you-next-year-mail from Yosuke sweetened the way back. 

I didn’t say Ryu goodbye. Does he know that I’m already away? Ah, well didn’t matter because finally I arrived at home, I unpacked my stuff and returned to the daily routine. 

Did Ryu followed my advice and stopped working as host? Is he still touching shoulders of strangers? Well, why should I care? Yosuke is in my head! Woho! Drummer babies! I decided to mail him.

Unfortunately my mails didn’t get through to Yosukes mobile phone and the other way around. The company blocked mails from overseas. This fact destroyed my life.  I cried for 2 whole months, didn’t eat anything and threw cotton balls on every happy couple which I’ve seen! Well, actually I expected such reaction from myself but somehow I had the “can’t be helped”-attitude again.

What happened to me? Why did I browse through Ameblo-blog sites and looked for Ryu?! Why did I opened the host index website and starred at his pictures? Ahh, maybe I was just interested in his suit. Yes, the reason must be: I like suits!

One day I was shopping with my whole family. It was already November, 1 month after I returned from Japan. We drove back home in our car. The night covered everything in black and small raindrops fell on my window. I looked outside, wondering what Ryu was doing now. I dwelled on this thought, when suddenly a voice inside my head said: “I love him”. Just this. Well, thank you, brain! Why wasn’t it just “oh maybe I feel small affection towards him?”, why love?! Why was I so stupid and didn’t recognize it before? If I were a Pokémon I would be probably Slowpoke.  

source: knowyourmeme.com, Hey Slowpoke is pink too! Damn it, maybe I'm really a Pokémon

but I am too slow to recognize it!

In fact I hid almost 2 months my true feelings from MYSELF. I think I’m a good secret keeper then. 

I felt miserable. I loved someone who:

1. Already had forgotten me probably.
2. Was shorter than me.
3. Lives in Japan
4. Even with his hair all up in the air, he was shorter than me.
5. Was a damn host!
6. Was a damn small host! (1,65m!!!)
7. Had no real contact address!

I had his e-mail address but the nice company was blocking all mails. Mr. Google wasn’t  really helpful at all (I thought you know everything!). 

One month past. It was already December. My hopes were already gone but I found myself typing in his host name in the ameblo blog search (I call it research, not stalking). Suddenly a face appeared which I haven’t seen since almost 2 ½ months!

Yes! I’ve found him! He started a blog! I immediately looked through the entries. There wasn’t much but there were some pictures of him. My brain tried to calm down my heart but all I heard was its loud beat. The last doubts that I just imagined that I’m in love were erased. Fuck my life. 

“Okay, stay focused! You can’t mail him right away! What should you tell him? ‘Oh hi, I just stalked you and finally found you, haha I love you, come to me woho!’”, I tried to concentrate. While I desperately tried to keep my thoughts together, I didn’t recognize that my fingers already wrote a mail. 

Actually, I promised to send him some beer from my home country. But I hadn’t his address. So I asked him something like “Hey, do you remember me? Well, we had a promise with the beer. Give me your address blabla.” Yes, really great e-mail. As if he replies to me. Haha. Ha.

The next day I got a reply with the address (of the club) and a “It’s been a long time. Of course I remember you.” I don’t have to mention that I felt happy? Even if it was just a normal mail. I was young and totally in love with a host. 

We mailed a bit and suddenly he asked “Don’t you come to Japan again?” Actually, it was my plan to come to Japan again. Damn, I loved this country and I have friends there… and it wouldn’t be just for him… right? So I answered him that I’m planning to come.

Yes, I used to keep every message. Hey, no judging, I was a young girl in love...

“I will wait for you. I want to meet you again.” 

My heart skipped a beat.

Hug him! Hug him!

The morning started with a lot of cleaning and the question “Should I go to the bar or not”.  Actually, I wanted to go but Anna had other plans (other plans = a guy). And yes, like I said, I’m a shy girl after all. Going alone and being all seducing and stuff? Well, I could try but it would end with a lot of shattered glasses of apple juice and customers who are bathing in different sorts of alcohol. I’m not even exaggerating. In fact I’ve poured drinks over three different people (one was Ryu) during our holidays. For the sake of the other costumers I couldn’t allow myself to go alone. 

I called my friend Akane and convinced her to come with me. She agreed. Such a good girl. Of course she knew about my crush and when we were going down the street to the bar, she recognized a young man standing outside. “Is it him?”, she asked me. Of course it was him. The moment his eyes discovered me, a surprised glance shimmered over his face (whoa,  how poetic!): “You really came!”. A tough woman deep inside me just answered “Of course” with a smile. We went inside and talked a bit about my departure tomorrow, until the pleasant evening turned into a vulgar one. Unfortunately not because of Yosuke.

Suddenly some musclemen entered the bar and chose exactly our table to unfold their whole manhood. Posing like a tree on anabolic drugs, they asked me directly: “Can I lick your pussy?” Oh, those guys know how to make a female heart skip a beat. They really deserved a penalty for this! And I guess someone will give it to them someday because I wasn’t so fond of returning with a fist imprint in my face. So we changed the table.

To cut this long story short: My housemate joined Akane and me later. We talked a bit with Yosuke and then decided to bring Akane to the train station.  The two of us decided to walk a bit around the district, when I suddenly realized “I didn’t say goodbye to him!” I wouldn’t see those muscles again! Oh noes! But before realizing it, my housemate leaded us back to the bar entrance.

He: “Just go in there, say goodbye to him and give him a hug.”

I: “No?”

He: “Why?”
I: “I’m shy!!!”

He: “Just do it!”

I went inside. My heart echoed loudly in my body. He saw me and came straight to me.

I : “Well, I’m flying tomorrow.”

Yosuke: “ Yes… but you will return next year!”

I: “Yes.”

Yosuke: “And I will maybe join the band LM.C and I will come to Europe!”

I: “Have fun with them!”

Yosuke: “We’ll write mails then!”

I: “Yes.. hmm… ehm…”

Yosuke: “What?”

I: “Can I? Can I hug you?” (Damn you, housemate! Brainwashed me the second time!)

Yosuke: “Of course”.

We hugged and I felt his muscles even closer. I was sure to see him again. I was sure to fall in love with him and make cute drummer babies one day. Well, I couldn’t know that everything turned out different than expected and I recognized: I was fooled by myself.

One night V.I.P.

The following days were normal. I met my friends, went shopping and messaged Yosuke, the drummer from the Bar. He invited me and Anna to his live because he was a support drummer for a rock’n roll band which wasn’t really famous. Well, I somehow liked him a lot those days and still wanted to date him, because I thought he was a nice guy. 

So I replied him that we’ll come and he even put us on the guest list. Woho! First-time on guest list! A big V.I.P. sign was pumped through my veins.  “Maybe this super perfect guy likes me”, I wondered while Anna and I were going down the stairs to the little concert hall. We expected a wild crowd and a lot of fangirls.

But actually it was almost empty. Maybe five girls were waiting in front of the stage. Unsure of what we should do, we went to the merchandise shop. Three guys were selling some pretty looking CDs there. “Hey, aren’t you that girl Yosuke talked about?”, the merchandise seller called me by my real name.  What a surprise! The merchandise salesmen knew me!  So Yosuke must have talked about me! Happy!

And another surprise: the three merchandise salesmen were the band! Let’s sum it up: I didn’t know the band but the band knew me. Does it make me famous? 

We talked with those nice guys for some minutes and they seemed really nice. I accidently told them that Anna and I were living in a love hotel. Well, I guess the last days confused me more than I thought. I corrected myself immediately. 

Then he came! In a tank top, he wore a cap, his hair was beauti- whatever! A TANK TOP!!!  Everyone knows the simple calculation: drummer + tank top = wet panty! The muscles! He came to me. He came straight to me. In a tank top!!!!

Suddenly the shy girl appeared again. He blew me some smoke in the face (at this time I found this pretty sexy, nowadays I would have kicked his ass, after I made a photo of his muscles!).
We just talked for a bit and he told me that he’s playing for the second band and then he disappeared.  But luckily more fans arrived.

The first band was average. When Yosukes band entered the stage, Anna and I rocked the crowd. The music was really better than expected and the next minutes were full of jumping and dancing. After the live, the band members came directly to us and asked us “how was it? How was it?”. We told them (like a proud mother) that they did a good job. Yosuke was happy. Unfortunately he told me that he had to go to another live later and he has to leave soon. The other band members invited us to the after-show party. We agreed to come, not knowing that we wouldn’t keep the promise.

Yosuke left and we listened to the third band…. exactly three minutes and then we left. The music was really awful.  

When we got out of the club, I saw Yosuke who was waiting at the traffic light. “Yo-su-ke-!”, I smiled and ran to him.

We told him that the last band was kinda shit, so we decided to go to a bar. (Now I’m reading a part of my diary where I just think: nooooo, I didn’t do this, right?! Right?! Well, I just pretend that it wasn’t me). Okay, suddenly a magical girl appeared and touched his muscles, saying “kakkoii” (handsome!). Then the magical girl disappeared and was never ever seen again. 

 I guess it was her. Whoever she is! She's looking like a muscles-touching-magical-girl!

Altogether we went to Shibuya by train and talked about different topics. Yosuke told us that he has a Jazz concert now and he wanted me to translate something on his T-Shirt: “I’m going to the Palace of Pêches”. Japanese T-Shirts. He remembered that we’re going to fly in two days and that he has to work tomorrow. An invitation to come?

Sleepless in a love hotel

Somehow I felt angry. It was the pressure on me. What would happen next? I didn’t know what to do, that’s why a small feeling of anger appeared. That was the reason why I answered on his “Oh I wonder if this XXX hotel is a love hotel”, with a pissed “Well, it has a hotel in the name? So I guess it is one!”

He decided that this would be a perfect place for us. For me, it was the first time entering this kind of hotel. My anger was blown away by curiosity. After the entrance hall a wall of screens welcomed us. No employee was there. The screens showed different rooms and with a control panel one could choose which room to take. “Which one do you want?”

I looked closely to the screens but I couldn’t concentrate: “You can choose”. After this he pressed some numbers and the screen turned black. So this room will be ours for tonight. “It’s expensive!”, I answered in wonder while looking at the price. “Actually, it’s pretty cheap”, he replied. Damn semi-rich hosts!

The room itself was elegant. I liked it. We talked about various stuff like computer games, my country, Japan, games and anime. We compared our favorite characters and laughed a lot. Like I said, my Japanese wasn’t so good back then. So the second awkward moment appeared. Right, this kind of situation, where I tend to say “yes” to everything. Really, really dangerous this time.

Ryu: “blablablaaaaa and so on with a lot of bla and bla”

I: “Hai?” (yes)

Ryu: “Blaaabllaaaablaaa really a lot of blaa. Sounding-like-a-question-bla?”

I: “Hai?”

Suddenly he bowed over to me and kissed me deeply. I didn’t move an inch. The time stood still. What was it? Damn! I should stop just saying “hai” all the time. Something started to burn inside me… ehm but before this becomes a pr0n-blog, I skip to the sleeping-time. J

After sleeping everyday on a futon, I was looking forward to sleep in such a soft huge bed. “Hyaaa, this would be a night full of sleep, peace and – wait? What is this? Why is there a party in our room? Wait… what? “

It wasn’t a party. It was his mobile phone which rang in such a loud volume that my ears were about to burst. I looked at him. He was still sleeping. “Maybe I can throw the mobile phone in the bathroom. But maybe this would wake him up and I can’t touch his things. Aaahhh~ it stopped!” I hoped to be able to sleep then. Well, I turned around to my sleeping side. He turned around and I could see his face. “He looks like an angel”, I stared at him for minutes, maybe hours. Actually, I wanted to get my mobile phone and take a photo of him but this would have been so freaky.

Third try to sleep: “Party again! That damn mobile phone!!!”

Fourth try: ”Btw, why did he let the lights on?! I just can sleep when it’s dark! UAAHH!”

Fifth try: “Why didn’t he turn the classical music off? I feel like in a concert!”

Sixth try (daylight touched my face): Ryu kicked me in his sleep. Nice.

Seventh try: “Okay, now! Woho, I’m almost sleeping, almost sleeping, sleeping, slee—aah!” Ryu put his arms on my body. When I tried to push them down, he grabbed my hand and held it tightly.

Retrospectively seen, I guess the kiss, his sleeping face, our same interests and this “holding hands”-thing touched my soul.

Early in the morning, the night ended. He woke up and got ready, told me to eat something (Onigiri at the morning. My stomach felt like vomiting. This was simply too heavy food for this time of the day).

Ryu got dressed and fixed his hair. His hairspray bottle was 3 times bigger than my self-defense-hairspray. I had to laugh. If there has been a fight, I would have lost.

We left the hotel and headed for the train station. He needed to pee. I’ve waited for him. When he returned, we walked the last meters to the station. “It was fun. Please, write me a message again”, he smiled at me. I nodded, but thought that I would never write him. I couldn’t allow myself to develop feelings. That’s why no contact was the better solution.

source: Hazuki Kanae's "Ai no Koe", edited by me

He went to his train. I walked back to the guesthouse.

There were only three days left in Japan. Anna kept on mailing with a nice guy. A part of me missed his mails. A part of me wanted to message him. I ignored these feelings.

"Yes"

The day started quite well. We went shopping in the fashion district Harajuku. My heart was suddenly full of dresses. What else does a girl need? Nothing! Right? Not a single thing!

But why did our feet moved towards Kabukichou when the night fell on the city? Maybe it was fairy dust? Or just the fact that I wrote Ryu that I want to meet him and tell him if this evening we're going to stay somewhere together or not.

My secret waterproof (haha) plan was to see him and decide whether I want to make the next step or not. My brain told me that I should dump him and my heart was on holidays in Hawaii. So I couldn’t ask it. Can't be helped.

I messaged him in front of the club. But he didn't come out, so I asked a Host who
was about to enter the club. "Could you tell Ryu that I'm here?" He said that he'll deliver my message to him and went into hell ehm.. the host club.

Anna suddenly grabbed my shoulder: "Did you recognize who it was?"
I: "Ehm? A palm-wearing host? Woho~ so special!"
Anna: "It was Tatsuya! The host you told "sayonara" before."
I: "Oh... you mean the host I told 'Hosts are evil, do something else. Rescue your soul?"
Anna: "Yep. "
I: "And now I'm standing here, asking him to get Ryu out of the club?"
Anna: "Yep."
I: "Oh..."

In this moment my brain sent me a "I'm right~ I am right~ So dump Ryu now"-message. Everything
was clear now, the path of my future, the next days! Woho! Yeah, I would free myself from
him. Easy-peasy! Ha!

Then Ryu entered the stage. This was the first time in my life that I had a "slow-motion"-
experience. It was really like he walked towards me in a romantic-movie-like way (with all the
glitter stuff. and sparkling. and music.). My brain suddenly seemed to be far away. Maybe it was visiting my heart in Hawaii? I don't know. Things started to go out of control. First my face. I blushed.

He said something.

I couldn't understand.

We sat down. Anna translated: "He said your face is blushing."
I looked away. When I tried to look at him again, my face was totally red.

source: Hazuki Kanae's "Ai no koe"text customized by me

What happened? After he apologized for being late, he told us that he has a client right now and told her to go out for smoking. We talked about something. I don't know about what. I forgot everything.
In my memories I can just remember how we sit there. How my body trembled. How I tried to reduce the redness of my face.

Then he asked: "Are we going to meet tonight?"
I answered with a 'yes'.

We returned to our guesthouse. He would mail me when he came to our station. Slowly I prepared myself. For some reason I wanted to be pretty. I wanted him to tell me that I’m beautiful.

He mailed me when I just finished the shower. Damn! Guys! I can’t look beautiful within 2 minutes! I needed to make my hairdo, my make up! I was pissed. Seriously. So I told Anna to message him that he should wait, I’m not finished.

I’ve put on my sneakers (for the case of feeling like wanting to run away) and hairspray (self defense!) and walked to the train station. To be honest, I don’t have much self-confident but I remember liking myself at that night.

Then I saw him. He looked awesome like always. With a smile that instantly killed me, he asked me if we should buy something to drink and to eat. I nodded (the only thing I was able to do) and so we went to the next convenience store. In front of the liquor, he looked for something. “What are you looking for?”, I asked. “Smirnoff. It’s your favorite, right?”, Ryu answered while looking straight into my eyes. “Damn, they haven’t any. Let’s search for it somewhere else.” Before we walked in another convenience story (in Japan these stores are EVERYWHERE), he grabbed my ass and smiled.

This pervert! Well, actually it was just teasing. Then he concentrated on his big task “finding Smirnoff for his date”. Unfortunately he couldn’t complete his task, so I chose another cocktail in a can and an onigiri. I wanted to pay my stuff but Ryu told me that he wants to do it and he has enough money.

With drinks and onigiris we went on the streets of Tokyo again. It was a quiet night. He asked me suddenly about my past and I told him a lot of stuff which I didn’t tell anyone before. Why? He was a stranger. Right? Then he said straight: “I don’t understand why those things happened in the past. You’re so beautiful.” It was not a lie. I felt it. I’m not stupid.