How it all ended with Ryu

Though I felt the urge to mail him EVERDAY or EVERY MINUTE or EVERY SECOND, I stopped myself. It was bad enough that I had stalked him, I should be less clingy.

I asked my friends for advises and recognized that there were two different parties: the Pro-Ryu-Party (Fighting against evil and fighting for love! Moon prism power, maaake up! Or something like this ) and the Anti-Ryu-Party (thinking that he might be a foreigner-girls-misusing womanizer, a good-looking foreigner-girls-misusing womanizer). I found myself somewhere in the middle. 

Right before Christmas, I’ve met Monica from the Anti-Ryu-Party and told her from my idea to send him a “Merry Christmas”-Mail for Christmas.  She told me it might be better to cut off the contact because she didn’t want me to get hurt. I still remember telling her that it’s important for me to tell everyone who I like or love on Christmas that I think of them. So why not him? It’s just a logical conclusion.  And it has nothing to do with having finally a reason to mail him again. Right?

So I mailed him on Christmas. Didn’t expect to get something in return but suddenly my mailbox window showed me his mail. It was short but it was a mail from him. I was full of Christmas joy! I smiled the whole holidays and it seemed that my fear of Santa Clause also got smaller. A bit. Hell, this guy is still as scary as clowns. Who invented these creatures of horror?

But my joy ended rapidly on the morning of the 26^th of December. I was about to check Ryu’s blog to see if he posted something about Christmas. There was indeed a new blog entry. He used too many Kanjis in it, that’s why I moved my browser dictionary over the symbols. The words which popped up, shocked me. I couldn’t understand. I couldn’t form a sentence.

“Vomit”, “Blood”, “it hurts” – I had to concentrate. What happened to him? After some minutes I finally figured out the sentence: “This morning I vomited blood. It hurts”. I commented on this post immediately: “Go to the hospital! Right now!”

source: Hazuki Kanae's "Ai no Koe"

I’ve waited. Nothing happened. On the next day, the entry was deleted. I decided to write him a message: “Ryu? Did you go to the hospital? Maybe it’s your liver? Please go to the hospital. I’m worrying. Get well soon. I really hate your job. I’m sorry but I don’t think that money is more important than your health.”

I started waiting again. Nothing. One week passed. Nothing. It turned 2010. Nothing. A voice within my head told me all the time “He’s dead”, “You will never see him again”. Ha, Voice in my head! I still have one really ingenious idea! Ha,ha! I would call his host club and pretend to be a costumer. Then I will ask for him! Isn’t this a perfect plan? Waterproof and everything!

In the middle of January I decided to call the club. I was really, really nervous. I dialed, listened to the steady peeps, when suddenly someone with a really hot voice picked up:

Host *with probably a palm on his head*: “Here is the Club blablabla. How can I help you?”
I: “Is Ryu there today?”

Host: “No, he stopped working. Sorry.”
I: “Why?”

Host: “I can’t tell you anything about it. Sorry.”

Then he started to talk in fast Japanese and I couldn’t understand a word. That’s why I decided to simply hang up the phone. “Okay, he stopped. Or did he stop working because he died?”

This information didn’t help me much but I wouldn’t give up. In February I wrote my last mail to him. Asking if he is still alive. No answer on this too. And it was going to be worse.

The mailman came around March. He carried the package of beer which I’ve sent Ryu. Seeing that my package has returned was a shock. A cold shiver ran through my body. He must be dead.  The mail man was still proud of himself because he figured out my new address though on the package was still my old address (Damn it! I didn’t want a host club to know my address! Maybe they would have come to me and do palmy things with me…). 

I went upstairs with the package in my arms, put it into my closet without opening it. I gave up. This story had ended. Too soon, but it ended. 

For two months I was concentrating on other stuff. I did no stalking. Of course I thought of him and hoped we could see each other again but something deep inside me stopped believing this. 

That’s how the story ends. We never met again. What? Wait? This is not the story you wished for? It was too easy? Just a one-sided love? No other strange turns or different lovers? No description of the pr0n content in the love hotel? Nothing? I stole a couple of hours of your life? Hmm, okay. To be honest this was maybe just 25% of the whole story. Yes, it was just the beginning.  So let’s continue.

Some thought was nagging on me all the time “I never got to know his real name.” It wasn’t a big deal actually, but it was nagging on me. Absentmindedly I browsed through his blog. His profile picture changed!!!! He wrote an entry!!!!!!! HE’S ALIVE!!!! Did he write about girls? Damn, maybe he has a girlfriend. Ah, doesn’t matter, he’s alive! But why a girl?! Okay, I should be happy that he’s alive! Alive, alive, alive. If he still knows me? Ah, I’m going to forget him now. I will never contact him again. Yes.

I was strong. I didn’t write him. I was going to forget him! Haha! Good plan! Unfortunately he didn’t know about this plan. That’s why I received exactly 5 months after this “blood”-entry a mail from him.

All of his mails always sound so "genki", so "in a good mood", like nothing happened =.='

“Are you fine?
(my name) (and probably a heart)
Don’t you want to come to Japan again to hang out?”