Don't let me go

Hiro received a mail from someone. This mail made him so mad that he went outside and chopped wood(?). At least it sounded like this. I was worried and told Shinji to go outside to him because they were friends. (Actually I didn’t want to have an axe in my face). 

Both returned after some minutes. Hiro sat down close beside me. I hugged him and tried to calm him down. It seemd to work – at least for some minutes. Then he suddenly stood up and pulled the blanket on which I sat away. I was shocked and starred at him. Our eyes met.  Hiro also was shocked because he seemed to recognize that he scared me. “I think you should go back to John’s house today. I will drive you. Please try to call him. You wouldn’t be happy with me today. I want you to have a great evening.” Again, he left the room. 

Something within me broke. This whole situation caused something unexpected to me. I started crying in front of another person: Shinji. I couldn’t stop my tears. What was that? I was never a super-emotional type of human. My dad used to tell me “Don’t cry, it won’t help you anyway.” That’s why I didn’t cry so often and never so much. But now, everything was different. Shinji was also shocked now. I tried to explain myself but only the words “It’s over, it’s over” came out of my mouth.

Shinji finally started to talk: “It’s not over. You know, Hiro always tries to solve problems on his own. He was always this way. But I think you are going to meet each other again. It’s not the end. Look, you both are so lovely together!” My tears really stopped from these words. Instead of crying, I asked him “Can I hug you?” He nodded and I gave him a big teddy-bear-hug.

I packed my stuff and all of us three were about to go to Tokyo. Before our trip really started, Hiro stopped at a conbini.

Hiro: “What do you want to drink?”

I: “Nothing.” (I wasn’t sad anymore; I was angry and worried now)

Hiro: “You have to drink something. It’s going to take about an hour.”

I: “No!”

Hiro: (he turned around to Shinji) “Could you buy me coffee and peach flavored water?” (He knew that I love this drink… so he was concerned about my health… nice… didn’t make it better! But it was really cute).

Shinji left the car. 

Hiro: „How are you?“

I: „I’m worried about you…“ (I looked straight outside)

Hiro: „But you can spent a funny evening with John! You can’t have fun at my home tonight.“

I: “I am always happy when I’m with you…” (I started to look at him)

Hiro: “Thank you. Can I kiss you?” (He didn’t wait for my answer and kissed me twice).

We continued our “journey” after Shinji returned to the car. I got really tired and closed my eyes. No one spoke a word. Suddenly Hiro started to say sadly: “Oh no! Here’s Disney Land, I wanted to show her the lights… but she fell asleep…” I immediately opened my eyes and looked through the window. It was so beautiful. The lights gave me some hope.

Maybe Shinji was right, maybe I’m going to see him again. The nice human teddy bear also gave me a rice ball during our trip. I was so thankful to him.

The onigiri which I got from Shinji

When we arrived at the parking slot close to John’s apartment, Hiro asked me if he can accompany me back to John. I denied this offer. My pride was too strong and I was still angry. From a present-day perspective, I really, really regret my decision back then because it was the last time I’ve seen him. I went to John, without looking back and without telling him how much he means to me. 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Because of one of my Japanese friends, I recognized the songstress Kato Miliyah who just makes the perfect soundtracks for my life. Her song "I love you" matches this blog entry really well. So here it is. 

(a small part from the English translation of this song)

We spent so much time together
But now I am all alone amidst the memories
Your memory fades in
And out of this room
I want to see you, but I can’t; it hurts

You swore your love for me on a summer day
Your hand grasping mine was warm
And you tightly embrace me
I loved you so very much

I prayed that you wouldn’t leave me
You said to me,
“We’ll always be together”
So why? Where are you?

*Are you no longer here?
Can we no longer visit the sea?
I wanted us to stay together forever

**Can we never meet again?
Won’t you call me ever again?
I will love you forever

(source: http://www.jpopasia.com/lyrics/38200/miliyah-kato/last-love.html)